best-of-funny: leeeeverett: today these two kids in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher glared at them and said “could you try to be a little more mature?” one of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face X
scienceing: if you ever think that you’ve made a big mistake, just remember that in 1788 the Austrian army attacked itself and lost 10,000 men
katnissandhermione: i just realised there are more nipples in the world than there are people
treeyonce: resume: sometimes i can draw straight lines without a ruler
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basedgosh: voldemort was real dumb make your horcrux like one brick in some random ass house in turkey whos gonna look there
cristinaya: Shine bright like a washed nintendog
daisyispotter-wholocked: cutiebatch: ...
rosiebeck: nxv: primisthebomb: I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING i read the first line in my head in the tune of call me maybe im so stupid I threw a grape in the air I went to catch it I...